Lost Soul
by skylark.all27
Summary: After experiencing an accident, Shinichi had struck the wall. And the only person he could confide with was the thief clad in white. "Why insist on not letting him know, Metantei?" the thief asked and Shinichi had to smile. "Hmm, how do you say it? It's what my heart says," he continued, "...for that person's smile, I can pretend I remember everything." KaiShin. Shounen-ai. Warned.


**Pairing(s): **KaiShin [Kaito x Shinichi]

**Summary: **After experiencing an accident after the take down, Shinichi had to face the feeling of being lost. And the only person he could confide with was the thief clad in white. "Why insist on not letting him know, Metantei?" the thief asked and Shinichi had to smile. "Hmm, how do you say it? It's what my heart says," he continued, eyes growing distant, "...for that person's smile, I can pretend I remember everything."

**Warning(s): **Shitty Grammar, OOC, Set after the take down of B.O., no particular plotline, strange amnesia (my fault if it's impossible)

**A/N: **I got this idea from that anime I can't remember. Haha, I watched it recently. I think it's about a city with espers and magicians, something along those lines. And the city was apparently built for espers trainees. Ah well, I missed writing KaiShin, huhu.

Mistakes are my fault.

**Lost Soul**

The sky was bluer than normal and he had to close his eyes if he didn't want them to get damage. He woke up earlier in a strange place (and he later knew he was in the hospital again). He was seriously wondering what had happened but his head hurts like hell, a feeling like how a coconut would feel if it was cut in half.

He was torn between laughing and groaning when he knew he was stuck in the hospital again. It wasn't as though he was complaining (it was part of his profession after all), but he was sure the doctors already kept track on his record.

"_You had lost your memories, Kudo-kun," the doctor informed solemnly then continued, "three years span of memories to be exact," the doctor was about to leave, but then decided to leave with a remarkable goodbye._

"_We can't do anything about it," the doctor said as he turned his back again, facing the wall as he continued, "…you really screwed up this time, Tantei."_

He wondered briefly if he really had screwed up this time, which he supposed he really did. It wasn't as though he was really lamenting the years he had lost, and an apparent of not getting them back again. They were nothing important. At least that was what he had decided it was. After all, his life had always been dull, and so he was sure nothing interesting was worth to remember.

There was nothing to lose, right? Right.

Suddenly the door opened abruptly and Shinichi had to bite back an unmanly shriek that almost came out loud from his pitiful state as his line of sight was covered with chicken feathers. Confetti was all over his hospital bed and Shinichi was sure there were lots of fireworks inside.

Whoever the intruder was, he didn't have a care for the world.

"Shin-chan, I missed you!" the intruder announced cheerfully behind the yellow smoke (what the hell?) and Shinichi cringed at the horrible pet name, even so he didn't say anything. It was as if, he was used to it which he should not.

Sure his mother had always called him with that horrible nickname, but she was an exception (he couldn't really do anything about it, and when he complained. All he got was a grin and another death hugs courtesy from his insane mother).

The intruder decided that his Shin-chan wasn't as responsive as he was supposed to be and so, decided that his Shin-chan probably was in a bad mood. And a bad mood Shin-chan wasn't healthy for one Kaito because the detective tend to ignore him most often than not (and that's a big no-no. Everyone could ignore him, but not his adorable Shin-chan).

Kaito grinned and glomped the unsuspecting detective, nuzzled on his Shin-chan's neck, and stayed there. He had a talk with the doctors today and he wasn't sure he believed all those. His Shin-chan would never forget him. Kaito already made sure of that.

This time, Shinichi really did shriek. Flustered, (but comfortable in a sense, which made him doubt if he was really himself today) Shinichi pushed the intruder off of him, feeling a sudden loss from that warm embrace. He shrugged it off. He had things other in mind.

"Who are you?" asked Shinichi in a soft tone, as if talking to a child. Not even knowing that he had just dropped a bomb. Shinichi watched the other (the smoke already cleared, though he still wondered how one person could create a yellow smoke. Better figure it out later) who immediately stiffened as soon as he asked one question.

And Shinichi wasn't sure, but he felt guilty. And all he wanted was to erase those thoughts that appeared to the intruder's eyes, but Shinichi didn't know what to do. He didn't like that look on the magician, but he didn't know what he supposed he should be doing.

Then as quickly as it came, the intruder's eyes was cheerful again. But _years of knowing _the intruder, Shinichi knew the other was faking it. Shinichi paused, _years of knowing?_ But he was sure he didn't know this person, which he should. But he didn't. Odd.

"Come on, Shin-chan! It's not nice to mess with me, you know me that much," the intruder cheerfully grinned, _far too _cheerful Shinichi concluded. And Shinichi could detect that the intruder was more than talking to himself, than to Shinichi. As if reassuring himself that no, it wasn't possible for Shinichi to forget him.

"You remember Kuroba Kaito, right? Shin-chan will never forget Kaito!" the other protested, still grinning like a loon. Shinichi decided he didn't like that expression from the intruder.

The intruder stepped forward, carefully taking steps in front of Shinichi, and Shinichi almost cross-eyed following the intruder. The intruder chuckled, then the intruder bowed when he was inches away from Shinichi, flicked his wrist, and the intruder looked at him in the eye.

Cerulean blue to indigo, locked together, and Shinichi wasn't sure but his head ached. Painful than before, and the pain increased when the other presented him the stripped rose.

"_A rose for the savior of the day," the white figure flicked his wrist, and Shinichi was trying really hard not to go cross-eyed as he followed what the white figure was doing. The white clad laughed and presented him the stripped red rose, and placed behind his ears._

"_You're being silly," the detective grumbled, but didn't make the move to remove the rose from his ear, and his face flushed uncontrollably red. Shinichi wasn't sure how the other could do that to him, but he was supposed to be the one who's calm here, dammit._

_Shinichi yawned, too tired to even walk as he leaned in for the white clad's comfort. The white figure welcomed him with those welcoming arms, and started stroking his hair. Shinichi's eyes were half-lidded when the figure spoke again._

"_Ah-ah, isn't that why you love, tantei-kun?" the white clad laughed, stroking Shinichi's hair fondly, before the figure's head leaned above Shinichi's head, and whispered._

"_Good night, my dear tantei."_

"Shin-chan? Shin-chan? Shin-chan, are you okay?" the intruder's voice shook him out of his thoughts. Shinichi pinched the bridge of his nose, before looking into those indigo eyes again. He searched what he was trying to find, but couldn't.

"I don't know who you are, or why you're calling me Shin-chan, but," he paused, looking away as he continued.

"I really don't know who you are, I'm sorry."

Kaito remained stilled, looking directly at his detective who was obviously struggling to find who he was. He couldn't believe it. Shin-chan really forgot about him. But that was impossible, right? His Shin-chan would never forget Kaito because Kaito was Shin-chan's magician. Shin-chan would never forget Kaito just as much as Kaito would never forget Shin-chan.

"_Sorry to disappoint you, Kuroba-kun, but Kudo-kun really have an amnesia," the doctor told him gently, and Kaito found himself struggling to find his Poker Face. He couldn't break down now, not when Shinichi needed him._

"_C-can't you do anything about it?" Kaito cringed when he heard his own voice, rasped, different from his usual goofy sing-sang voice. This couldn't be real. His detective would never forget him. He was Kaito and Kaito made sure that everyone always remembered his name. Especially his Shin-chan._

"_We can't, it's permanent Kuroba-kun," the doctor told him gently, silently as Kaito processed the new information he had heard._

_Shin-chan couldn't forget Kaito!_

"B-but, Shinichi, tell me you remember me," Kaito pleaded, for the first time he begged. Shinichi looked at him, with those eyes that always looking so intelligent, but now, those eyes were lost. Almost searching and Kaito didn't like those eyes pasted on his detective's eyes.

"Please," Kaito pleaded, one last time. He was expecting like 'I'm just kidding, baka,' but nothing came. Shinichi only looked at him painfully, trying really hard to figure out who he was (if the beads of sweat currently rolling from the detective's forehead was any indication), and Kaito lost the hope he had been holding. Shinichi couldn't remember him and Kaito didn't know what he should do.

Suddenly a pair of arms wrapped around him and Kaito was out of his thoughts. His Shin-chan was looking at him directly, _lovingly_, and Kaito was more than happy. He would give all his chocolates stored from his refrigerator if Shin-chan could utter his name. And he did.

"Kai, I'm just kidding," the detective winked and Kaito bounced, then glomped the detective. For the second time, Kaito cried. His first time was his father, and now was his second. Shin-chan.

"Ssh, ssh, why are you crying? You're being silly, Kaito," the detective continued, stroking his hair the same as how Shin-chan always did when Aoko whacked his head. Kaito smiled, climbing up to the detective's bed, and nuzzling on his detective's neck.

"You scared me half to death, Shin-chan," Kaito grumbled, his nose placed on the other's neck, and Shin-chan laughed at him softly. Affectionately, the detective placed a loving kiss on his forehead.

"As if I could forget about you, _baka_," the detective continued, embracing Kaito even more. Kaito smiled contentedly, and as soon as he was hugged tightly by his detective's arm, he fell into the depth of dreams, but not before answering his Shin-chan.

"You can't get rid of me that easy, y'know," and Kaito fell asleep on top of Shinichi's chest.

Shinichi looked at the intruder's peaceful expression and noted that the magician actually looked peaceful than he was when he came into his room. Shinichi liked that expression. The door opened and his doctor came. Frowning at him, the doctor looked at Kaito, then to Shinichi. The doctor sighed and said.

"You really have an amnesia. You knew that better than anyone else, Kudo-kun," the doctor found his way to Kaito's unmoving, but evenly breathing form. The doctor's eyes softened and Shinichi smiled in return.

"Why did you lie to him, Kudo-kun?" the doctor asked him inquisitively. And Shinichi almost laughed, but this would mean that Kaito would wake up, and he would have to answer all the questions Kaito had, and he would struggle to find what the answers were.

"Hmm, how do you define it?" the detective hummed thoughtfully, then looked at the windows, and said in a low tone, quiet, and painful. Full of confusion, yet understanding.

"I just knew that, no matter how much I can't remember him," he continued, absently stroking the magician's hair, "he needs me. That this person, no matter how strong he is, Kaito needs me," he said, and looked at the doctor once again.

"How did you know?" the doctor asked softly, moving to lean on the wall as he looked at his patient's serene expression.

"Honestly, I really don't know," the detective chuckled. He honestly didn't know what came over him to hug the magician, lie to him that he was kidding, smiled like he supposed he should have, and let the other moved closer than he was with other people, he didn't know why. But…

"I just knew I didn't like him wearing that expression. Expression of lost, despair, and longing, those were all the emotions I could see through those eyes, almost as if when I looked at them. I feel suffocated and I knew, it was my damn fault," the detective cursed, his eyes never leaving the wall next to the doctor's face.

"How do you explain it? It's what my heart says," the detective muttered softly then said.

"That for this person's smile, I can pretend I remember everything," he continued, eyes looking downcast as he continued to stroke the magician's hair.

"Honestly, I don't understand anything anymore, but for this person, I don't know if I can ever tell him the truth that I don't remember neither his name nor his age, and who he was in my life. But for him, for this person's smile, I can pretend I remember everything because that just shows how much I don't understand," the detective finished, his lips pressed firm on the magician's forehead, as his expression grew solemn.

The doctor sighed and left the room silently. He couldn't do anything for Kudo-kun's situation, but he hoped the other teenager that the detective could remember through his heart would be able to help the detective's lost soul.

.

Shinichi found himself in Teitan High, playing soccer as his exercise. Ran had insisted on not letting him play, but he begged for her to reconsider, promising that he wouldn't use much of his strength. He was still getting used to Ran's attitude (motherly, and always scolding him like a seven-year old child whenever he got rained on). He supposed it was because of that two year span he was gone.

Shinichi was already out from the hospital several months ago (dreadful, dreadful months) and he always found himself in the company of one Kuroba Kaito. The other tend to hold his hands often, hugged him like a teddy bear, and stood closer than anyone in Shinichi's class.

And odd, Shinichi didn't find it very strange for the other to be this intimate, much less to him.

And Shinichi sometimes wished he was classmates with the magician, which always made him want to smack his head. The fact that he knew about Kaito was that, the magician was a prankster. And considered a painful humiliation ally of every Ekoda High Students. Shinichi had to laugh at that.

He still couldn't remember anything about what he did for the past three years, but he was trying to find the missing pieces. There may not be a chance to be his old self again, or even remember what he had done for the past three years, he had just one thing on his mind. It was to let Kaito left in the dark.

The only people who knew about his condition was his parents, Ran, Professor Agasa, that strange girl with auburn hair, Hattori Heiji, and Kaitou KID. Yes, KID.

He felt oddly attach to the thief and he sometimes wondered what had been their relationship before. He tried asking his supposedly best friend, Hattori, but the other would just look at him like he had grown a second head, and then would then drift the topic to a restaurant in Osaka (Shinichi concluded that Hattori was a man whose stomach was big as the dam).

Today, there's a heist, and Shinichi was doing another work out. He really needed to strengthen his legs even more because the thief was always ahead of him. Although, he noticed that the thief always waited for him to the rooftop. Then he would start to wonder again, what had happened three years ago?

He supposed it had to do with "Conan-kun" incident, he later knew when Hattori slipped his tongue. He still remembered when the Osakan detective barged into his house and demanded to him that he should know one Hattori Heiji, and if he didn't, the other would kill him. A murder that even his ghost couldn't solve (after all he was dead if Hattori decided to kill him).

Still, it had been a shock to him, almost disbelievingly when the other told him he shrunk ten years from his teenage self (he was twenty now). He didn't believe it at first, since the absurdity of the tale was just plain ridiculous, no point, and nonsense. But when he asked that girl from the Professor's house (he still didn't get how could such a ten-year-old girl could be that intimidating) he was presented with lots of chemicals from the girl's apparent laboratory. And lots of evidence that he did, in fact shrunk to a seven year old first grader.

And he pretended to know about the whole thing because Kaito knew he was Conan before. Although how, Shinichi wasn't sure.

"Kudo-kun, please pay attention!" the soccer team captain groaned when the detective just looked at him funnily, before kicking the ball, and scoring a goal. Kudo's team won and the soccer team captain groaned. Man, if this person could play soccer with his mind flying off somewhere, how else the other could be if his mind was full focused on the game?

Shinichi quickly got out from the soccer field and went to the gym's locker room. He had to get change and go home, he needed to prepare for the heist after all.

.

"Good evening, Metantei," the thief remarked as soon as the detective opened the door, breathing heavily, and looking at everywhere until those blue eyes landed on the figure's form. Shinichi sighed, walking calmly to lean on the wall nearby, as his eyes surveyed the rooftop.

"What got you so down, Metantei?" the thief asked inquisitively and Shinichi raised an eyebrow. The thief, he concluded, was a strange phantom thief indeed. The thief had a rule of "no one gets hurt" policy and the thief was more than ready to jump at anything if there was a sniper nearby. Though wary, but still determined to save a person's life.

Like how Shinichi saw Kaito.

"Hmm?" the detective hummed in reply, his right hand on top of his bangs, as he closed his eyes. The thief chuckled.

"You're not being provocative today, Metantei," the thief silently observed the serene expression from the detective's face and his grin softened, and turned into a smile. The detective rarely did that.

"Perhaps I just want your company today, KID-san," the detective answered, his own lips quirking in amusement as he looked at everything surrounding the building they were currently standing.

"That's not what I was expecting from a person who's so bent on catching me, Metantei," the thief chuckled, clearly amused as he stood opposite the detective's figure. The detective looked at him, those cerulean eyes that were always calculating, as if searching for any dirty secrets, and KID was lucky those eyes were not always directed at him.

"I was just thinking," the detective looked away, his hands clasped together, and the detective placed his hands before his lips, and blew warm breath on them. He sighed.

"A curious thief, Metantei, but care to tell me what you're thinking about?" the thief bowed slightly. The thief smirked when the detective looked at him again.

"It's nothing to worry yourself over, KID-san," the detective answered absently, his hands were secured inside his pockets as he drew hot breaths.

"Must be an important nothing then," the thief answered. He quirked an amused brow when the detective looked at him again.

"Ne, KID-san," the detective started, "do you have an idea of what I want to do at the moment?" the detective asked, then not waiting for an answer, he continued, "I just want to remember everything."

He said, almost as if he was talking to himself than the thief as he continued, "I just want to remember everything that had happened for the past three years. Everything that had happened because I can't stand looking at him without looking away when I started spouting lies," the detective's voice was wavering as the thief silently watched.

"I can't bear to see him looking so lost whenever I say something that would trigger to the fact that I can't remember him, can't remember his face, and can't remember his name," his eyes looked straight ahead, distant as the thief slowly approached the detective.

"But I can't stop lying altogether," the detective finished.

"Why do you insist on not telling him, Metantei?" the thief's voice was carefully crafted, almost as if he was trying to appear the phantom thief as he was, and the detective closed his eyes once again as he answered.

"It's not that I insist, but it's because that's what my heart says," Shinichi continued, "that's what it wants to see, that my heart only wants to see Kaito's smile," the detective smiled as he finished.

"… for that person's smile, I'm willing to pretend I can remember everything."

The thief was silent and so was the detective. The silence was comfortable, until Shinichi found himself trapped between the arms of the thief. Shinichi smiled to himself as he leaned in for the embrace. He was sure now.

"Shin-chan…" the thief uttered, and Shinichi found himself smiling. He returned the embrace, contented on leaning to the thief's heat.

"It's not really nice to keep things from me, you know," the detective mused out loud, and chuckled when the other wiggled from his hold. Shinichi was blushing ten hues of red, but the thief's hold held him in place. For now, Shinichi would forget everything.

"I know, Shin-chan always knew anyway," the thief chuckled, holding the detective closer to himself as he inhaled the detective's scent.

"Even if you can't remember what he had before, Shin-chan," the thief continued, ignoring the faint shouts from Nakamori downstairs as he continued to nuzzled on Shinichi's neck. He chuckled amusedly when the detective swatted his hand that was making way to the detective's soft, soft bottom (hey, it was required at the moment, but Shin-chan was no fun. Tch).

"We'll create more memories, more wonderful events than what we had before because I love Shin-chan more than any radiant gems in the world. I love Shin-chan and this kaitou is more than happy that his detective also returns the favor. And besides, Shin-chan," the thief continued, his eyes looking serene as he looked at his detective's flustered face.

He closed the distance between him and Shinichi, slowly, and almost lovingly placed a loving kiss on the detective's soft lips, and Kaito reluctantly pulled away as he continued his speech.

"…can't get rid of this phantom that easily," the thief winked, before climbing off the railings, and jumped off the roof. Shinichi followed the thief's glider, and readied his ears for Nakamori's rants. As he watched the thief's back, his white figure disappearing, melding into the moonlight, Shinichi smiled to himself.

At least now, Kudo Shinichi found his lost soul.

.

**-Fin-**


End file.
